Shrink Wrap

Time to Get Motivated

Lynnette W. — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:13:03 +0000

This has been a big year for graduations. I’ve been to 3 highschool graduations and will soon send my twin daughters off to HighSchool. The first graduation was my nephew from a prestigious all boys Catholic school. It was wonderful to see a class of 300 boys, most of which were committed to serving their community and the less fortunate in the world. Some had been to El Salvador, Mexico and even East Los Angeles where they served meals, tutored kids and basically saw life outside of their sheltered bubble. It was wonderful to see a school so committed to helping those boys find their talents and purpose in life. One of their classmates had experienced a huge tragedy in his life during his Freshman year. During a trip to Texas, he went into a diabetic coma which caused me to go completely blind and necessitated a hip replacement as well. Not only did he stay in school and graduated with a 4.0 GPA, but is also off to college. His story was an inspiration, but so was the story of his friend, who changed his class schedule so he could be his friends escort during the next 3 years of school. So the next time you think life is difficult….remember that there are so many others that have far greater challenges.
I wish I could say that my nephew was part of the “pride” that was felt at the graduation. But unfortunately, he took the path often travelled by those who succumb to their own feelings of low self esteem. It seems that when you don’t feel so great about yourself and don’t feel any self confidence, you go towards the group that accepts everyone…..the drug group. My nephew who lost most of his highschool years in a haze of pot, pills and booze would try to convince me that this was simply the “norm” of his priviledged highschool. However as I sat in that graduation and saw the number of boys off to prestigious colleges and heard so many of them committed to their community services…..it was hard to imagine they had time for the all the “partying.” I think the sad truth was that after my nephew experienced the death of his father during his Freshman year, he struggled to find his “purpose” in life. He struggled to find his motivation to get good grades, get a job and just get on with his life. Instead he took a somewhat “easy” way out. Numb yourself through drugs and alcohol and basically feel nothing….and do nothing.
Sadly, in my counseling practice, I see a lot of teens take this approach to life. And it saddens me as there is so much to experience out there in the world. If these teens were willing to work hard, live a good life and figure out their “purpose” in life…..they could see that this could be the greatest “high”.

February 18, 2009

Lynnette W. — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 03:45:14 +0000

Why is life so difficult? I have been asked this a lot lately. Especially in this economy….as people are losing jobs, losing savings…and some, losing their health. I think life is difficult because we have lots of lessons to learn in this life. I think the world, God, Jesus, Buddah….all like balance in the world. That is why often when we feel like life is just perfect….something falls out of line. Life can’t be perfect, everything can’t be without some difficulty, some trying times. The reason for this?? Well, I think it is because it teaches us about life. It teaches us how to deal with adversity. No one knows adversity more than those teens out there who have a parent dealing with cancer….or have had a parent die from cancer. You know that life is definately not fair. In fact….you know that life can suck….really suck. But you can’t get stuck there. You have to look at the strength you gain by “surviving”…..the maturity you acquire by living through such a traumatic event….the amazing perspective you gain about life. Alright….you may not understand the value of such things….But trust me….As an adult these lessons will be invaluable tools. They will help you persevere in jobs….work hard to get the success you want. They will help you understand people so that in relationships you will choose healthier ones. They will help you realize that since life is not easy….you have to work…but in that work….you can obtain whatever you truly dream of. So don’t stay in a “pity party” over life….Take your lessons and go have the best life ever…..

Social Challenges as a Teen

Lynnette W. — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:33:23 +0000

Why is the “social” world so difficult as a teen? Why do some people out there seem to spend so much time and energy trying to chip away at other’s self esteem. Isn’t it just as easy or difficult to think of something nice and positive to say?

It seems like everyday, I hear a story of someone having to deal with some type of cruelty at school. “Why does she have to make fun of what I’m wearing?” “Why do they have to mock me when I speak up in class?” “Why is he no longer talking to me?” “Why is he now talking to HER?” “Why have they stopped including me?” “Why aren’t we friends anymore?”

Imagine if instead….everyone took the same time and energy to be kind, thoughtful….supportive. Imagine what your school experience would be like then. Imagine never feeling anxious about walking around campus. Imagine always having a smiles meet your own smiles. Imagine never worrying about being talked about negatively. Imagine whoever you approach, would be kind and welcoming….maybe they would compliment you on what you’re wearing….maybe they would just say, “hi.” Whatever they would say….imagine it would make you feel good.

Well, this may be a little far fetched….but why couldn’t it be this way. Maybe it takes just one person to start acting this way. Imagine if you were that one person….and you turned your school around…..just with your attitude.

I believe that the negativity comes from a person’s low self-esteem. They feel icky about themselves….so they pass this icky onto other people…..I suppose trying to get it off of them. But it doesn’t get off of them….it only grows with their negativity.

Take your good self esteem to school tomorrow and see what kindness you can spread….

- Lynnette

Fear and Anxiety - How to Cope

Lynnette W. — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:31:01 +0000

Fear may probably be the most difficult emotion for you to deal with during your parent’s cancer or death. As a teen you are not necessarily equipped right now with a lot of “insight” into yourself and your feelings, this won’t come until you are well into your 20s. This makes it an almost impossible task to for you to be able to regularly express feelings of vulnerability such as fear. You may have learned through the years to become a “stuffer” of your emotions, as you strive to fit in, blend in and to never, ever be noticed in a “bad” or “awkward” way. So, if suddenly you are dealing with a parent who has lost her hair, or it is getting around your community that your family needs “help,”….well this can be social suicide. It’s embarrassing to have this type of attention. you may also fear what sort of changes are ahead of you. How will your parent’s cancer or death affect you? What responsibilities are you now going to have? How will this impact your day-to-day life? You may fear losing your “childhood” and unfortunately this may be your reality if you are facing your parents cancer diagnosis or death.

You may have perfected the “I’m fine” mantra when asked by your parents “how are you doing?” regarding their cancer diagnosis. The reality, however, is that you probably are not “fine,” and sometimes you don’t even realize that you are not fine. Support groups and individual therapy can be helpful for you to talk about and deal with your feelings. You might be reluctant to talk to your parents about your feelings. Maybe this is due to the natural “secrecy” that teens have, but it can also be due to a desire to “protect” your parent from your feelings. The problem is when you don’t feel as if you have someone to talk to or can discuss your feelings with, this can cause you to feel anxious or even depressed. This anxiety can come from rational and irrational fears that you may be facing. How can you tell if you are having normal worries of if your worry has turned into anxiety.

By talking through your feelings you can sort through the fears and feel more confident in your coping abilities and relieve your feelings of anxiety. You can also feel like you are not alone in dealing with this adversity in your life.

Here are some signs of anxiety:
- Excessive worrying, ruminating or obsessing
- Nervous habits (such as nail biting, picking at your skin, etc.)
- Irritability
- Impaired concentration
- Feeling restless or on edge
- Self-consciousness and insecurity
- Heart palpitations, butterflies in your stomach